Fear and Silence are NOT My Portion!
I grew up being told to not look a certain way or not to speak a certain way for the sake of how I would be perceived by people. It was crippling and caused me to live in fear. After years of growth and strength in Christ, I’ve gained a boldness that can’t quite be handled by everyone.
I recently had a meeting with my boss, her boss, and the principal of a school I serve. Now this principal is a master controller and manipulator and pathological liar who is full of pride, values no adult and is willing to sabotage the lives of anyone who doesn’t agree with him (Don't worry, I actually do pray for him). I sat in this meeting thinking my boss and her boss would actually speak up and defend me regarding a decision that I thought had been adjusted, but I soon realized that the warnings were true and that they were not for me. Instead, I was made to be “aggressive” when I defended myself as told by my boss. The accusation was followed with false concern for my well being with statements saying that the principal could tarnish my name or I could gain a reputation for being unprofessional in the district or years to come. She stated that when I become a best-selling author someone could say something negative. My boss must have thought warning me that I would meet someone else like that principal would cause me to become worried. Little did she know that I’ve met these types of leaders and they only thrive because weaker, passive leaders allow them to stay in position.
I must admit I cried during the meeting and afterward because I felt so bamboozled and ambushed. I don’t trust certain individuals beyond being who they have shown me to be simply because their idea of support is turning a blind eye and telling you to hush. I will say my boss said one thing that was true and that is I am strong, but she isn’t aware that the strength within me comes through Christ.
God didn’t create me to turn a blind eye. In fact, he reveals to expose so that I may do what He wills for me to do. Sometimes that looks like just praying and other times it requires me to take action or use my voice.
On the drive home, the Holy Spirit led me to Jeremiah. He was commissioned to fulfill a task that he could have been afraid to do, but God reassured him that he was protected and would succeed.
“I will speak My judgments against them for all the wickedness of those who have abandoned (rejected) Me, offered sacrifices or burned incense to other gods, and worshiped the [idolatrous] works of their own hands. But you [Jeremiah], gird up your loins [in preparation]! Get up and tell them all which I command you. Do not be distraught and break down at the sight of their [hostile] faces, or I will bewilder you before them and allow you to be overcome. Now behold, I have made you today like a fortified city and like an iron pillar and like bronze walls against the whole land--against the [successive] kings of Judah, against its leaders, against its priests, and against the people of the land [giving you divine strength which no hostile power can overcome]. They will fight against you, but they will not [ultimately] prevail over you, for I am with you [always] to protect you and deliver you,” says the LORD.”
JEREMIAH 1:16-19 AMP
When I arrived home I began to drown my sorrows in a bottle of Italia Roscato (no worries I’m a lightweight so drunkenness was not an option) and then I saw these 3 quotes in a recent Scandal episode:
- A Change is Gonna Come – Same Cooke 1964
- I cherish my own freedom dearly, but I care even more for your freedom. Nelson Mandela 1991
- We are determined… to work and fight until justice runs down like water and righteousness like a might stream. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 1955
If you know me, I believe God speaks through EVERYTHING and these quotes were like His personal response to my grief.
I will never fear speaking truth. No rumor or gossip can tarnish my name. I think about so many people in the Bible who were challenged to speak up, Moses, Daniel, Esther, Meshach, Shadrach, and Abdnego. I’m sure many people tried to dissuade them, but the fact of the matter is obedience is better than sacrifice. As a believer, part of my purpose is to use that voice that was once silenced to bring awareness to the injustices against his people. Some people may not like me for it, but Jesus wasn’t accepted either. So, I will continue to love God and love like God by having integrity and speaking on behalf of those who feel as if they have no voice.
Even as I wrote this blog, the Lord granted me peace that everything will be alright. Tears were cried and depression and hopelessness tried to consume me, but God’s word was the cure to my pain. I hope this encourages you to not back down when the enemy uses people to try to silence you. Emotionally, the task is taxing, but God is a protector, healer, and restorer of all things. I’m well aware that because of the God in me many who lack His spirit cringe at the sight of me, but if the God in me has the power to shift the atmosphere and give hope to those who have grown weary then I’ll be the one. Understand that this is a spiritual battle and God has already equipped those who are sent on the frontlines. He knows He has planted something within us that allows us to fulfill the assignment given.