Dear Mama: Mother's Day Edition
Mother’s day was normally a day I’d go into avoidance mode. Although I know God as my parent and so much more, I found it to be difficult to really embrace this day knowing my mother had gone on to be with the Lord. I was reminded of the many women who God has placed in my life, but there was a part of me that still struggled with the fact that they weren’t my mother. I almost hit a low point until God reminded me that although she’s gone writing to her would give me a sense of peace. Some may say it’s crazy, but for me it seemed to be pretty therapeutic. So, here’s to my mother, Happy Mother’s Day!
The memory of you is bittersweet. You were the epitome of who a mother should be. Patient, loving, caring, and strong in the midst of adversity. I found this picture of you and the freedom you exhibit is how I often envision you. You loved to live and you lived to love. I’m convinced you’re the reason I love the beach!
Your mother kept her promise and raised me to the best of her ability. I thank God every day for her commitment to take care of me. I know it was a lot considering you left only four months after your father left this earth. We clashed at times simply because we never received a lot of time to breathe, but I will say we managed to make it through.
About two years ago, my father gave his last breath. Although he wasn’t the greatest when you were here, I will have you know that before he left this earth he managed to turn his life around and recommit his life to Christ. I know you prayed many prayers for him just as I did and God made sure they were answered. So, don’t be surprised when you see him around.
I remember when I was younger and you bought me Bible after Bible making sure I read my word, memorized the Lord’s prayer, got baptized, and never missed Sunday school. I didn’t understand it then, but as an adult I see why we spent so many long nights in the house of the Lord praising and worshiping him. Know your obedience wasn’t in vain and despite the detours that took place in my life. The covenant you had with God is what’s kept me close.
I’m amazed by how much we are alike even in our differences. You were such an extrovert and you loved to shop, cook, and throw parties. You never missed an opportunity to dance to the sweet sounds of Luther Vandross and Tevin Campbell. You wrote in your journal and documented everything. I’m sure if you were still alive, I would have turned out to be a girly girl, but life happened and I became who God needed me to be.
Needless to say, the number one thing that I know you ingrained in me was my love for the Lord which is really the greatest seed sown into me. It’s not easy with you being gone and no amount of time can hold back the sadness I feel knowing that you aren’t here with me. Many people ask about you and each time I find it a bit challenging to say you aren’t here. Because you weren’t here I used to fear taking on that role, as if I would never know how to be a mother or a wife, thankfully God has positioned some dynamic wives and mothers in my life who have made themselves available whenever I need them.
I no longer fear being a mother or a wife, in fact, I look forward to being as good or even better than you were. It’s funny because God is so amazing that although I didn’t have you around, he still plans to use me as a loving wife, mother to many (physically and spiritually, and bless me with a phenomenal mother-in-law will be around to make sure my children never miss the love of a grandmother.
I say all this to say that no matter how many Mother’s Days come along, I will always remember you. Even though the memory of you is bittersweet, I choose to dwell on the sweet thought of being born to you and loved by you! Thank you for the investments you made. I know being your one and only child wasn’t an accident. I look forward to writing to you again…most likely it will be when I get ready to say I Do!
With Love Your Daughter,
Ashlei Nicole Evans